Leadership Lesson in a 10 minute Tango
First published on LinkedIn on 4/20/2022
I AM THE TIGER #8: 100 Amazing API Women You Should Know
The Lead
When my friend Aya told me to talk to Regina Angeles, I thought “Oh, another HR person working in Diversity.” Not that I don’t think they are important. But I was looking for women who ROCK the boat, not just another over achiever! 😂
But then Aya said “Ask her about TANGO!” And I learned yet another very harsh lesson about judging too quickly.
Watching Regina talk about her discovery of Tango is magical. Her face, her whole body lights up even across the screen on a zoom call from 3000 miles away. She told me about her first pair of tango shoes, teetering on 4” heels meant for an experienced dancer, not someone who decided to try it on a whim on a yoga retreat to Buenos Aires. But after returning to NYC, a lesson a week became twice a week which quickly became an unlimited membership to a Tango studio near work. Soon after that, work socials fell by the wayside if they conflicted with Tango Night.
I don’t know much about the dance of Tango except what you see on TV, that scene in “Scent of a Woman”, or in a beginner ballroom class I took with my dad in my youth. What I do know is that it is choreography that is sensuous and intimate that inspires both the dancers and the audience. Done well, tango is a moving experience for anyone in its milieu.
It is also a culture that is highly patriarchal.
At Regina’s tango studio, the women (the follower) outnumber the men (the lead) 3:1. Which means the women wait until a male dancer is free and take their turn. Which also means, if you are a woman, you are standing around two thirds of the time. One evening, Regina asks if she could learn to lead for that evening’s step—and the instructor cautiously says yes—even though it breaks from tradition and it is also a “detour” from traditional progression of development. So she begins to learn.
Over time, Regina develops her intuition to read her partner in the first 30 seconds. She finds her partner's skill level and their energy and designs the choreography in the moment—appropriate to their ability, maybe a move or two that challenges them, steps that fit their strengths and style and, always, a little something that surprises and delights them. It isn’t long before she is the clear favorite for many of the women and men whom she leads. The typical male leads are too “bossy”, less inspired, dancing with the expectation that their partner will follow without question or engagement. When Regina leads, the experience makes both partners better. And the men become better Leads.
It occurs to me, as Regina shares her perspective, that her entire leadership credo can be captured in a 10 minute dance.
Leadership Lesson in a 10 minute Tango
What if we led by taking 30 seconds to “read” the people we work with—appreciate their gifts and give grace to their growth areas?
What if we designs jobs so people could feel satisfaction, challenge and freedom of expression. And maybe something along the way that surprises and delights them?
What if we became leaders that people want to follow because we design choreography that takes all of this into account because people are inspired to do more, be more and want more because the experience we provide surprises and delights them?
I told Regina she should write a book called The Leadership Tango. She laughed and said she had a cookbook to write first. That’s when we talked for a second hour. 😁
* I am the Tiger is a series to surface 100 amazing women of API descent who didn’t just rock the boat but jumped ship to build a better one. It started as a personal project of curiosity and has become so much more than that for me. I’ve lost count on how many of these I held—I think I’m up around 60 or 70. I’ll keep going until there aren’t anymore! Know someone whom I should know? Drop me a DM!